Back in the day Axl was obsessed with
the image of Christ on the Cross. No, wait
obsessed is the wrong word for it. He was jealous.
That’s it. Jealous of the attention.
He couldn’t see why, after touring his
ass off and seventeen gazillion albums sold
more people still knew who Jesus was.
He genuinely saw Christ as a competitor!
I was, like, dude, Motley Crue, sure.
Nirvana and Pearl Jam, yeah,
but some guy who died two thousand
years ago? Don’t sweat it, brother.
And, anyways, Jesus isn’t all that.
Yeah, he has a strong brand image
a fine line in merch and a loyal cross-territorial
fanbase, but he doesn’t have the chops we do.
What did he say to that? I don’t recall.
I don’t think he said anything.
But the next day on tour he had his PA
make arrangements to have a crucifix built.
Polished mahogany, red velvet foot-rest,
tour gold-leaf six inch nails - the works.
That’s pretty extreme dude, I said.
What are you going to use it for?
What do you think I’m gonna use it for?
I’m going to have myself crucified on stage.
I mean, if Jesus survived it, so can I. Now
shut up and go play your guitar somewhere.
And for a while I think he seriously thought about
having his feet and hands hammered to that cross.
Axl being Axl though, he soon moved on to the next
thing: Kaballah, Scientology, anal bleaching and so forth.
He forgot about his crucifix, left it in
or somewhere, but he didn’t forget about Christ.
In fact, Christ really bothered him, being so adored and all
and today I believe he still continues to walk in Christ’s shadow.
What do I mean by that? Well, it’s obvious. The guy so
desperately wants to be holy that it has crippled him creatively.
He’s martyr himself for a cause he’s lone since forgotten.
The only miracle he’ll perform will be getting that damn album done.
And we all know that the second coming of that gnarly
dude in the robes is far more likely, wouldn’t you say?