161. The Malibu Years Pts I - IX

I.
I got Spears
to the left of me
Hanks to the right
here I am.

II.
I bought a pineapple tree from a man called Paco but when I got it home I discovered it was some crappy ornamental thing made from plastic.
I wanted to go back down there and carve Paco up but decided against it and watched a DVD instead.

IIII.
Malibu in three words:
wildfires
mudslides
titty.

IV.
There’s no sunset like a Malibu sunset;
Maybe one day I’ll get up early enough to see it.

V.
Running on the beach one Sunday I trip over a Chihuahua that is snapping at my heels.
It takes everything within my power not to punt it like a football into the sea.
Apart from a handful of groupies, I guess I’ve just never been a dog lover.

VI.
I got a new license plate. It reads WAX7 R0SE
Then underneath, it says Malibu: A Way Of Life
I wanted to get one that says W.AXL ROSE
but apparently some guy in Fresno beat me to it.

VII.
Why don’t homeless
people just get a job?

VIII.
My new juicer is rad. It looks like a tank.
It is smooth and silent and it collects the fruit pits in a little tray.
I collect them and now and again I plant them in my sea-side garden.
Maybe one day I’ll squeeze the juice of oranges that I’ve grown myself.
Maybe one day I’ll branch out into the lucrative fresh fruit juice market.

IX.
Malibu is 91.91% white but
that’s not why I moved here.