162. Unpublished Interview

Unpublished transcript by Craig Stenzer for short-lived official website www.imaxlroseandyourenotaxlrose.com, circa 2003.

CS: Hello Axl.
AR: Word up. Do you want a drink? Hey, Rico – get this kid a drink!

CS: Thanks man. I wanted to start by asking how you’re doing?
AR: I’m tickety-boo, thanks for asking. Wait…didn’t you use to be in my band?

CS: Your band?
AR: Yeah, man. I’m sure you sat in on bass in some Gunners sessions in ‘94. Your name is Robbie right?

CS: No, it’s Craig.
AR: Awesome. I’m with you 100% hundred on that.

CS: So, Axl, who are your Top 5 influences?
AR: Mr Jim Beam. Mr. Jack Daniels. Myself. Charles Manson. Manhatma (sic) Ghandhi. In that order.

CS: What song would you like played at your funeral?
AR: No music, just one minute’s silence. Maybe longer. Like….one hour’s silence? And I want a solitary black rose thrown in my coffin and my ashes scattered over John Lennon’s grave. He was definitely my favourite Rolling Stone.

CS: You want to be buried and cremated?
AR: We’ll work something out. Geffen can foot the bill.

CS: How’s Slash doing these days?
AR: Who?

CS: But you’re still friends with Izzy, aren’t you?
AR: Whatever. He helps around the house sometimes.

CS: What would you say to people who accuse you of being a megalomaniac?
AR: I’ve never stolen anything in my life. Except maybe a few hearts, right?

CS: How did you react to the recent events of 9/11?
AR: I had a full-body massage. Played a little golf. I’m thinking of maybe incorporating the imagery into the live set. Some people might say that’s crass, but I’m not so sure…

CS: Some people might deem it a little insensitive?
AR: Awesome. I’m with you 100% on that.

CS: What about Osama bin Laden?
AR: Word is he’s a big Guns N’ Roses fan.

CS: Really?
AR: Yeah, I’d say so. Most people are so…you do the math. And if he’s not then Saddam is, so either way I figure we’ve got a couple of dictators in our fan-club. It’s funny.

CS: Funny how?
AR: Huh?

CS: People have suggested you’re a control freak though – just because of the way the band has turned out.
AR: How do you mean?

CS: Like, how you sacked all the members and then bought the sole ownership of the name Guns N’ Roses, then kinda disappeared?
AR: I did? Right on. That rules. I think if I wasn’t me I think that I’d think me was cool for doing that, you know? I mean, you’ve got to have balls to survive in this business and all I can say about them other cats is, they were all sac and no scrotum. And it’s not even how big they are anyway, but how they hang that’s important.

CS: And how…how do your balls hang?
AR: I know we’re in West Hollywood, but don’t be a faggot, man.

CS: Do you believe in God?
AR: I believe in a universal spirit force that possesses each of us individually and selects some of us to be a genius and some of us to be less fortunate. Like cripples and stuff. I
think this God wears black and rides a Harley. But the twist is - get this - he’s a chick. Yeah, a black chick. Like Oprah!

CS: You think God looks like Oprah Winfrey?
AR: What are you talking about? Are you drunk?

CS: So do you believe in the afterlife?
AR: Maybe, but I believe in rock ‘n’ roll more.

CS: What’s your favourite joke?
AR: President Clinton. That guy’s a fucking joke.

CS: Well, I mean…he’s not actually president right now.
AR: Sure, but they’re all assholes right? Him and Nixon.

CS: What are your goals for the future?
AR: World peace. The way I see it, there’s only me and Bono capable of achieving that goal, and the little Irish fella ain’t fronting. I mean, has anyone actually heard of U2 these days anyway?

CS: Why is the new album [Chinese Democracy] taking so long to record?
AR: I’m done.

(kicks over chair, leaves).