Monday, 17 November 2008

117. Head Of Marketing

Pardon my French but

Axl Rose is fucking insane.

His ideas are totally unrealistic.
completely untenable, unworkable.

He’ll walk into a meeting and say things like:
‘The new record will have 100 song songs on it

it’ll be released on seven-inch picture disc only
One hundred singles in a box-set. It’ll retail for

$16.99 because Guns are all about value for money
and because unlike Crue, we don’t rip off the kids.’

And I’d have to say, ‘That’s an awesome idea brother,
but it might not be financially do-able, you know?

Maybe we could put it out as a double album and
save the rest of B-sides and a rarities albums?’

at which point he’d flip out, break something,
curse us all out, then disappear on tour for three months.

Meanwhile we’re left here scratching our heads
holding a bunch of songs, thinking what the hell?

So eventually compromises have to be made.
Hundreds of faxes are sent and received.

Many late night conference calls are made because
Axl doesn’t surface during daylight hours.

Threats are issued and unrealistic demands made
We learn to ignore them, not take it personal.

The word from the top comes down ‘Axl is a genius, no:
asshole, no: genius’; either way, he’s our most bank-able artist.

So tasks are delegated, weekly meetings held with the
marketing guys, the publicity people, and key retailers.

More compromises are made, decisions in reached in abstentia.
We decide on two double-album, released on consecutive days.

Opinion is divided: some think it’s a stroke of marketing genius
others think it is the plastic personification of a raging ego.

Me, I don’t care so long as I get to keep my job; so long
as I don’t have to see in another meeting with Mr W. Axl Rose.

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